yAy :)

Don't have much to say other than...

YAY! My sunroof is getting fixed tomorrow!!!

Gin Blossoms

So i had to cover a shift at work this morning from 5am-10am because the Gin Blossoms came to play at NoRTH. We did an entire breakfast buffet and like 500 people came. 92.9 The Mountain came and was broadcasting live from NoRTH with the Gin Blossoms playing live. It was actually a pretty cool experience (minus the fact that when my employers beg me to come in and cover shifts, especially ones at 5 am, and they tell me they are going to take care of me and don't.) But it was interesting to say the least and im partly crabby just because i didnt really sleep last night and had already worked 5 hours by 10 am and partly because i hate my job and cant wait to be done on tuesday. if i didnt need the money i just wouldnt go back but i do. Anywho, they played this song and it was as if i wrote it so... here ya go:

TIL I HEAR IT FROM YOU

I didn’t ask

They shouldn’t have told me

At first I’d laugh, but nowIt’s sinking in fast

Whatever they’ve sold me

Well baby I don’t want to take advice from fools

I’ll just figure everything is cool

Until I hear it from you

It gets hard

The memory’s faded

Who gets what they say

It’s likely they’re just jealous and jaded

Well maybe I don’t want to take advice from fools

I’ll just figure everything is cool

Until I hear it from you

Until I hear it from you

I can’t let it get me off

Or break up my train of thought

As far as I know, nothing’s wrong

Until I hear it from you

Still thinking about not living without it

Outside looking in

Til we’re talking about it, not stepping around it

Maybe I don’t want to take advice from fools

I’ll just figure everything is cool

Until I hear it from you...

Life cycles.........that suck

Well, i put in my two weeks notice yesterday. It is the first time i've ever quit a job just because i didn't like it and didnt want to work there. Every other job i've finished has been because of a move or going to school. As is normal for me, i cried. It was ok, my boss understood and was fine with it. I took the job at office max. They offered me full time hours and i start like Nov 6th or something like that. I'll be making almost the same as now, depending on hours and things will be tight but doable. In the end, the decision came as, well... id rather work anywhere but North right now and i'll give this new thing a shot and see how it goes. I feel like im just stuck in this 'job' status until i find something i'd like to do for a long time which then in my mind is a 'career'. The problem with that, though, is that to have a 'career' you have to spend money to go to school and get trained. To have the money to go to school and get trained, you have to have a 'job'. I'm stuck in and endless cycle.

I got a warning on my windshield the other day saying i have to get my vehicle registered in arizona or i will get fined $300 each time they give me another notice. so i went to go get it done at the DMV.. oh wait.. here is the MVD. anywho, they said i had to get emissions testing but to do that i had to drive on the interstate and to drive on the interstate my sunroof has to be fixed or else the cardboard will fly out. So while im in process of getting my sunroof fixed, which im finally sending a deposit in for today, hopefully, they wont ticket me again because they gave me no date saying how much time i have in a 'grace period' to get registered.

agh!

New job... any ideas?

I had an interview today. It was at Officemax. A friend gave me some good advice the other day and they said if i don't like the way things are going in my life, then i can change them and try for something different. I have been so frustrated with my job, the people there, the way they run things. And after that conversation i decided that it didnt have to be that way and if i could find a job i'd like better and not dread going to everyday, then why not. So this past weekend i checked out Monster.com again and sent out applications to Officemax and Toys r us. i know, silly, but id rather anything than serving right now. So Officemax called me today, had me come in for an interview and then had the second interview right away and offered me 20 hours a week at $8.50 an hour. I was going to leave North entirely for a different job but seeing those numbers and doing a quick calculation i realized that i would need to keep both jobs. So i talked to Officemax about maybe doing mornings at north and nights there but the schedules conflict so it'd have to be one or the other. i really liked the people at officemax and they way they do things and its better suited to my personality and who i am, but i would be taking almost a 50% pay cut and theres no way i would be able to pay the bills.

Hopefully i can find a job that fits with the requirements i need and be able to change otherwise i will have to just stick it out. Life is hard, i guess thats just always how it will be and maybe you just have to find ways to make it better for yourself. So i'm going to try and be done with sitting on my butt and just accepting the bad, and try and make it better in all areas of life. So whats next?

Tourniquet

I found my Evanescence cd today. It's almost as if i wrote the songs myself...

Tourniquet

I tried to kill the pain

But only brought more so much more

I lay dying

And I'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal

I'm dying dying

Praying praying

Bleeding bleeding

And screaming

Am I too lost to be saved?

Am I too lost?

My God, my tourniquet

Return to me salvation

My God, my tourniquet

Return to me salvation

Do you remember me?

Lost for so long

Will you be on the other side?

Will you forget me?

I'm dying dying

Praying praying

Bleeding bleeding

And screaming

Am I too lost to be saved?

Am I too lost?

My God, my tourniquet

Return to me salvation

My God, my tourniquet

Return to me salvation
Return to me salvation

I want to die

My God, my tourniquet

Return to me salvation

My God, my tourniquet

Return to me salvation

My wounds cry for the grave

My soul cries for deliverance

Will I be denied?

Christ - tourniquet - my suicide

am i too far gone?

Looking up?

I hate my job. I haven't liked it almost since i started working there. It feels like everyone is cliquey and not open to others. I'm thinking about applying for something i may like better, like a job in retail sales or maybe applying at more banks or maybe sticking it out and looking for the good things about my job. The last couple days i really thought i was going to walk out in the middle of my shifts and quit on the spot but i know that i need the money.

However... i found a redeeming quality today at work.

I went to ask one of my managers a question about setting up the restaurant today. He asked me how i was doing and i was honest enough to kinda give him the sign for 'so-so' but not honest enough to spill my guts. I was determined to get through a day without crying and especially a day at work without crying. So then he asks me whats wrong and i tell him life, trying to get the answer to my question as soon as possible so i can get back to work without flooding the place.

Later on he catches me and asks me whats up and i kinda give in and tell him that its hard to be in a new place and meet new people. He encouraged me and asked me if i had gotten hooked up with a church yet and i said no not really and he said well, theres instant community in that and he explain that he really didnt claim one faith over another but has a buddy who came to tucson to plant a church and i should give him a call and he explain it a lil more and so i thought that was pretty cool. he told me there are good people there and it was just nice to have someone peg the fact that i was lonely. he said i was brave for moving here and had guts. he also said it was ok and its normal to be lonely and things will look up. ive probably been told that a million times but when it comes from someone who is not a close friend and doesnt really know you, it means something different.

who knows.

Story of a girl

"Absolutely (Story Of A Girl)"

This is the story of a girl
Who cried a river and drowned the whole world
And while she looked so sad in photographs
I absolutely love her when she smiles

How many days in the year she woke up with hope
But she only found tears
Actin' so insincere
Making the promises never for real
As long as she stands there waiting
Wearing the holes in soles of her shoes
How many days disapear
You look in the mirror so how do you choose
Your clothes never wear as well the next day
And your hair never falls out quite the same way
You never seem to run out of things to say

This is the story of a girl
who cried a river and drowned the whole world
And while she looked so sad in photographs
I absolutely love her when she smiles

How many lovers would stay
Just to put up with this shit day after day
How do we wind up this way
Watchin' the mouths for the words I would say
As long as we stand here waiting
Wearing the clothes of the soles I would chose
How do we get there today
If we're walkin' to far from the price of the shoes

Your clothes never wear as well the next day
And your hair never falls out quite the same way
You never run out of things to say

This is the story of a girl
Who cried a river and drowned the whole world
And while she looked so sad in photographs
I absolutely love her when she smiles

And your clothes never wear as well the next day
And your hair never falls out quite the same way
You never seem to run out of things to say

This is the story of a girl
Who cried a river and drowned the whole world
And while she looks so sad in photographs
I absolutely love her

This is the story of a girl
Who's pretty face she hid from the world
And while she looked so sad and lonely there
I absolutely love her

This is the story of a girl
Who cried a river and drowned the whole world
And while she looked so sad in photographs
I absolutely love her when she smiles

sorry

i didn't mean to upset anyone

sorry for the frustration

i won't offend over this blog anymore