What a day

I understand how you feel. It feels like every decision i've made has backfired or put me in a worse situation than i was already in. I am very happy in denver but it seems like i can never make any money or pay off my bills. Today was so frustrating and i can't figure out where it started. I dont want to move back in with my parents, to live off of them again, i would go insane. I had a job interview yesterday to be the secretary at a small church that is just starting out. It didnt seem like a right fit but i really need the money. I was going to do the best thing and deny the job if they offered it. They called me back today and explained that they didnt think i would be available enough with a second job and i was totally on the same page. However, it still gave me the feeling of being hopeless, never being able to make any money, and in this downward spiral. I went to work and wanted a busy night and people to joke around with and have fun with. I got triple sat right away and was busy most of the night but everything was off, my tickets either got lost or took too long, or id say or do the wrong things to my tables. It seemed like i didnt have anyone to talk to or joke around with because im new. I get so upset sometimes, i want to be more than this, i want to have a future and i want to be able to pay off all my bills, whatever that takes. Well, i say whatever that takes but i wouldnt head home to wisconsin or oklahoma to save money. How will i get out of this rut? What can i do to make my life work? I am thinking about selling my car and that way i wouldnt have a car payment or car insurance and eliminate about $7000 of my debt. I cried all the way home from work tonight. I dont know if its because i miss myself, which i dont think it would be because theres been so much healing and i feel a lot more like myself lately. Or maybe i feel like my life is a disappointment, or maybe its cuz i dont have any of the answers. The truth is, i miss you. I miss having that connection with you. I miss talking to you about everything, i miss having you reassure me about life and who i am. I miss talking to you about your life and everything youve experienced over the last couple of years. I dont know what to do with that, whether to hold on or try to forget. No matter how hard i do try to forget, you are still in the front of my mind and i still long to share my life with you.