My heart breaks with every minute gone by. I promised myself i wouldn't cry. Seems the simplest of things is all i wait for... a knock on the door. It shouldnt mean so much to me and a friend once told me we choose our attitudes. Do we choose when we let our hearts break? I never thought of myself as someone who really built up walls around their heart because im emotional and seemingly open. However, open is in the eye of the beholder. How do i tear the wall down and let people in, how do i not hold back, how do i not close off? I want more than anything to be with people, to share and play but my heart gets crushed when it doesnt happen. I almost just want to decide not to try. I want to hide. In preparation i opened the windows, shades, and door making a clear signal to come on in. I cleaned, did the dishes, and bought soda. I left the tv off and put in a cd that i knew i liked and that would appeal to others. None of it mattered though. Now i would love so much just to shut the shades, and turn off all the lights. Maybe even just not be here. But then my hiding would be obvsious. At least it means my apartment got cleaned two weeks in a row.