Inadequate?

Sometimes, i feel inadequate. Mainly based on relationships. I feel like i am not good enough in certain areas so why would anyone consider me. I dont excel in one area or another. I guess i would call that well rounded but others might call it boring. I have interestes, but none that i strive to live for or do every day other than Jesus. I fear that ill miss that one opportunity with that one person because im not as knowledgeable as others might be in areas.

Then i remind myself that if it truly is what God has for both of us then he will work it out. However, it is hard to settle for that answer. I think of all the relationship advice that i would give someone if they were in my shoes but it is so hard to follow it yourself. I look at some couples though that dont have everything in common, they arent passionate about the same things but do have levels of passion in each thing that eachother is interested in. Can't encouraging one another in Christ be enough? Maybe not having the same level of passion for hobbies but learning and growing in thouse together.

Man, i dream that the guy God has for me is loving, faithful, honest, trustworthy... that he encourages and challenges me, that he will help me grow and vice versa, that he will be a living breathing reflection of Christ and that i will do the same for him. That we will have fun! That we will never run out of things to talk about but can sit in the same room completely silent with everything being said, without words. That we will support and love eachother. But for me, its not about being the same person, its about loving the same God and having different interests because then we can cover more ground in ministry, a team of two who are alike and different, to be a team and yet reach out to many different areas.

Maybe i shouldnt feel inadequate, but just wait on the Lord. Knowing, and trusting........ Him.

Hold Me

I think every girl has ideas of how they want to be loved and taken care of. Let's face it, i tend to be an emotional girl. But one of the things that i've always thought would be so romantic would be the following scenario: I would be upset or so frustrated about something and just in tears. I would be in pain, heartache. However, the man in my life would be there with me trying to comfort me but words would not be enough. The only thing he would be able to do would be to sit on the floor with me and hold me in his arms, loving me, protecting me. I know it sounds silly. However, i see that as something i long for and something i've wanted everytime i've been upset.

I realized something recently. My friends have been out of town on Christmas break and i am away from biological and "adoptive" families that i would want to spend time with. I thought this period would be very hard, ya know, all by myself. But on the contrary--it hasnt been like that at all. I've felt so blessed and loved. But the thing i realized was that everytime i get upset, God is the one holding me. He counts my tears, he wraps his big arms around me and tells me he loves me and that it is going to be ok. He gains my trust and i become willing to follow him anywhere and do anything, knowing that the outcome will be for good. It was somewhat of a relief and comforting to know that i dont have to wait and dream for that scenario to happen because it is already taken care of. It makes my love for God grow, and know that i want to do things for him not out of obligation, but out of love. I know that i can never measure up or give him as great of things as he gives me, but i can strive to give him my love.

There are times in my life when i think i wont quite make it on my own. As a female i must admit i have the insecurity that i will never get married and i'll be known as that old hag who lives at the end of the street with a thousand cats. I get afraid that if i "settle down" on my own that "my prince" will never come. But its days or weeks like these when God makes himself so apparent and shows that he can provide for my every need. It is times like these when i know that if he has for me to be single for life, i wont have to worry because i wont be by myself. He will take care of me.