Thanksgiving

This is my first year out on my own. It is silly to me that the things that i worried about the most werent how i would pay my bills and if i would have enough to eat--it was who i would spend the holidays with. Shows how much of a people person i am.

Interestingly enough, i seem to always forget just how big my God is. Even the silliest of desires and heartache he hears and knows. The silly worries of who i will spend thanksgiving and christmas with. But it shows that my God is a personal God, doesnt it? Because if he was distant and uncaring, why would it matter to him if i was worried about the holidays, because there are many more important things in the world than that. I find it awesome and fascinating that while still focusing on everything that is going on in the world, he finds time to love me.

So today i am spending the holiday at my very good friends house with people ive know for a year or two and people who are new to me and people who are becoming the closest of friends.

For some reason though, i am sad. And i must say i think it is that i envy families who would joyfully travel hundreds of miles to spend time with their families on this holiday and not because they have to by duty but because they love them and want to. At some point i will stop sulking about it and get over it. I guess i am remembering that the bible talks about us honoring our mothers and fathers and i find myself so often not. I am trying to figure out what that looks like when i dont want to talk to them or be around them. I think maybe this is good that i am not spending thanksgiving with the family. Maybe purely for the fact that i havent spent enough time "out on my own" yet and i would still be treated like the youngest who doesnt know anything and cant survive on my own. Maybe i am trying to prove something but it occurs to me that everytime i get in the place of trying to prove something, it always backfires.

The Horrible Manager

So i was thinking the other day... and i think that most people equate their idea of God to that of a manager at work. And i also think that most people's impressions of their boss at work wouldnt even come close to doing God justice. This may sound bad but on the days that im most frustrated with my boss these are the characteristics that cross my mind:
Distant
Overruling
Out to get me
Wasting my time
Adrift
Mean
Only interested in her own good
Watches every move i make
Waits to smite me
Feels nothing i do is good enough
Treats me like im a child without a mind of my own
Locked away in the office
I think these are only a few of the characteristics (im not very angry today). But sometimes, even though i believe in God and trust in His Son as my personal Savior, i find myself believing this sometimes--that God doesnt know me and doesnt want to, that im just a pawn to benefit him but thats so not true. Thats what the world or satan wants us to believe. Its written right there in Gods word... He is loving, kind, compassionate, knows our inmost being... and that barely scratches the surface. Please remember that the next time you think God may be waiting to smite you because someone said something to me the other day that made a lot of sense. Even if God is refining us and it hurts or disciplining us, that characteristic is not separate from Gods love and he is still loving you and caring for you in the process of that.